Seems like much of the US, Texas included, has experienced record-setting cold and snow over the last few weeks. At the risk of going way off-topic in this blog, I decided to deal with my weather frustration by writing an open letter to Canada about all their recent “gifts” of cold air to the citizens of the United States. Here is the letter I sent to the people of Canada:
It is 2:30pm in Austin, Texas and the current outdoor temp is under 20 degrees Fahrenheit. Thank you for your recent gifts of cold air! We in Texas have very hot summers and we really are grateful for the chance to experience the other seasons of the year, too. You have always been good allies and good neighbors to us, and we appreciate how you share your plenitude with us in many ways.
Especially this winter, you have been so generous with your valuable supply of cold air. Thanks to you, we have had the rare opportunity to understand what it feels like to be snowbound for multiple days. We have had the once-in-a-lifetime chance to bloody our knuckles while trying to open car doors that have been iced shut. And, we have had the unique experience of playing real-life “bumper cars” with our vehicles on roads made friction-free by black ice. Thank you Canada! How dear you are to us.
Imagine, normally our January and February days are full of boring daytime temps between 60 and 75 F, with day after day of dining al fresco under the warm sun with a cool breeze. And normally we can set up a golf match on any day without bothering to look at the weather forecast. Such monotony. Such drudgery. We so appreciate the chance to bundle up against the 40 MPH winds driving sleet, snow, and freezing rain while we hurry across the parking lot to our favorite indoor restaurants and shopping centers. And we are so thankful for you providing the opportunity to know what it feels like to wonder whether all the food in our pantries or the 1-inch layer of ice on everything in sight is going to evaporate first.
And finally, thank you for teaching us that one must be careful when standing under the eaves of homes and buildings in bitter cold weather, in case a large chunk of ice falls off and hurtles downward with lethal force. Our dear northern friends always have watched out for us, and we appreciate it more than you know.
Really. Thank you.
Now that I’ve been able to express our gratitude for your ongoing gifts to us, I respectfully request one small favor from you:
WILL YOU PLEASE KNOCK IT OFF? NO MORE COLD AIR! NO MORE WINTER STORMS! WE DON’T OWN ANY COATS! SAVE YOUR DAMN ARCTIC AIR FOR THE QUEEN!